A Practical Guide for Improving Communication and Getting What You Want in Your Relationships

John Gray, Ph.D.


Imagine that men are from Mars and women are from Venus.  One day long ago the Martians, looking through their telescopes, discovered the Venusians.  Just glimpsing the Venusians awakened feelings they have never known.  They fell in love and quickly invented space travel and flew to Venus.


            The Venusians welcomed the Martians with open arms.  They had intuitively known that this day would come.  Their hearts opened wide to a love they had never felt before.


            The love between the Venusians and Martians was magical.  They delighted in being together, doing things together, and sharing together.  Though from different worlds, they reveled in their differences.  They spent months learning about each other, exploring and appreciating their different needs, preferences, and behavior patterns.  For years they lived together in love and harmony.


            Then they decided to fly to Earth.  In the beginning everything was wonderful and beautiful.  But the effects of Earth’s atmosphere took hold, and one morning everyone woke up with a peculiar kind of amnesia – selective amnesia!


            Both the Martians and Venusians forgot that they were from different planets and were supposed to be different.  In one morning everything they had learned about their differences was erased from their memory.  And since that day men and women have been in conflict.




Without the awareness that we are supposed to be different, men and women are at odds with each other.  We usually become angry or frustrated with the opposite sex because we have forgotten this important truth.  We expect the opposite sex to be more like ourselves.  We desire them to “ want what we want” and :feel the way we feel.”


            We mistakenly assume that if our partners love us they will react and behave in certain ways-the ways we react and behave when we love someone.  This attitude sets us up to be disappointed again and again and prevents us from taking the necessary time to communicate lovingly about our differences.



We mistakenly assume that if our partners love us they

Will react and behave in certain ways-the ways

We react and behave when we love someone.



            Men mistakenly expect women to think, communicate, and react the way men do; women mistakenly expect men to feel, communicate, and respond the way women do.  We have forgotten that men and women are supposed to be different.  As a result our relationships are filled with unnecessary friction and conflict.


            Clearly recognizing and respecting these differences dramatically reduce confusion when dealing with the opposite sex.  When you remember that men are from Mars and women are from Venus everything can be explained.